Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Gotcha!

Copyright -Rochelle Wisoff-Fields      


Genre: Fiction
Word Count: 100 Words


I took the stairs with the hope of getting some cues. It’s getting dark outside and dogs are barking in the background. I brushed past some spider webs, broken glasses, and a bevy of creepy crawly critters.

Did someone scream? Or is it the howling wind?

I carefully ascended the creaky steps and bumped into a closed door with broken doorknob. I can feel someone watching me; reluctantly I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Scared? Hell yeah!

I hold the broken door knob, count to six, and turn it around. 

BANG!

"Olly olly oxen free...."

24 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hey, Siobhan

      Creepy always creeps me.

      Delete
  2. Dear Moushmi,

    Nice build of tension until you hit us with a game of Tag. I should'be seen it with the title.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Namaste Rochelle,

      I am glad that it GOTCHA.

      Delete
  3. Nice! This is the first one that made me think of an old movie called, "Wolfen". I don't know why it took me so long to make the connection! (There are several scenes in old buildings...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, JudahFirst

      I have not seen the movie "Wolfen", I have to check it out now.

      Namaste

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Sarah smith,

      I know what you mean, just the thought freaks me out.

      Delete
  5. Totally different take on the prompt! and with that kind of ending you can surely tell me - "Gotcha!" :)

    Horus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Horus,

      Hehe, thanks a tonne for appreciating.

      Delete
  6. And you got us as well. Well done! I agree that it would be a scary place to play and possibly dangerous as well.

    janet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Namaste Janet,

      Thanks you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it.


      Delete
  7. That was scary with the cobwebs and broken glass. Kids would choose a place like that to play. Good thing their parents probably don't know. Well-written.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello PS Joshi,
    Hide and seek in haunted house is a scary thought that I would never recommend. You're absolutely right there.

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ah.. it's a all a game... still scary enough when the setting is right.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh COOL!!! That reminded me of when I was a kid and would go into places kind of scary, etc. You painted that world SO well here. Wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wmqcolby,
    I did something similar as well. I am glad you could relate to it.

    Thanks


    ReplyDelete
  12. I remember Olly olly oxen free! Those were good days and good games. Now my grandchildren play hide-and-seek in our house and they always yell "Olly olly oxen free" which is another way of saying "Kings X" - Hey these are good memories within a really creepy setting. You did good! Really, really good! Nan :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, Nan

      I am so glad the story brought back old memories for you. My son is in the peek-a-boo stage now..can't wait to teach him "Olly Olly oxen free"

      Namaster
      Mousume

      Delete
  13. Ack-I would have had a heart attack,lol!Great build up and a fun write Moushmi-enjoyed it:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Atreyee,

      I am so glad you liked it.

      Delete
  14. the ending was a complete surprise. gotcha to me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Haha. Thanks for appreciating.

    ReplyDelete